the recovery of my dead blog.

wow. its been a long time that i didnt update my blog. the last post was my birthday post. haha. it's sweet when read back how my friends celebrated with me..

anyway, i supposed to update this dead blog after my cousin brother's wedding dinner at penang which was few months ago but i was damn lazy until my finals were around the corner and now the finals ended almost 1 month. haha.

few months ago:

Parents brought me back to hometown (Butterworth, penang) to attend my dad-side cousin brother's wedding dinner. He is 22 years old and his wife is just 19 or 20 years old. haha. guess u guys know what happened lar, which couple will get marry at this early 20's unless there is a special case? yea, my cousin sister-in-law got pregnant.

okay, bout my cousin brother, i haven met him for years. i remembered the last met was when i was oni 13 or 14 years old? i think longer than that time cause he started to work when he was in secondary school. before all these, he was really a problematic teenager, but as the time goes on, people will get more mature and they will 'WAKE UP' and stop doing all the non-profitable stuff and started to think bout their future and so on. from his situation i think of my another cousin which is from my mum-side one and same age as me. he stopped schooling since he was form 1, what can a kid do without a minimum SPM cert? those workmanship. he shifted many jobs and now, i do not know what job is he working bout. how much i WISH he will 'WAKE UP' soon and stop those 'icey', 'K' stuff. his brothers even fed up on him. sigh.

back to my cousin's wedding. the funniest part is (its just what i thought), his eldest brother didn't attend his wedding dinner. i was like how sad would he be when he didn't see his brother there, i didn't know what happen to his brother la, maybe got business to do or what. but how could he skipped his brother's wedding, even skipped the ceremony before wedding dinner(敬茶仪式).

也许现在19岁的我还不够成熟，我对自己说，将来我结婚时，哪个哥哥或姐姐不参加我的婚礼，我会很生气。也许你们会觉得我很野蛮，但我是来自一个特殊的家庭环境，从小我就是一个人生活，虽然我有2个哥哥，2个姐姐，但我们不是住在同一间家。所以我真的很希望在某某特别场合时，可以和我哥哥姐姐们一起度过，一起见证我的婚礼。

有时候我蛮羡慕家里有兄弟姐妹的朋友，虽然他们时常都会投诉他们的兄弟姐妹很烦等等，但至少他们不是每天都一个人在家发酶。得空时可以欺负下弟弟妹妹。哈哈

有时候当我很烦时，真的很希望我哥或姐是睡我隔壁房，我就可以过去找他们谈心事，让他们给我意见解决我的问题。但，这一切都只是可以成为幻想，一个没有可能发生的事。

有时候当我姐给我看他们4兄弟姐妹的合照时，我很高兴，同时也很伤心，很羡慕他们可以一起合照。因为活了19年的我，没有跟他们4个一起合照过。

当我开始懂事的那年起，我的生日愿望就是张家可以拍一张全家福，一张完整一个成员也不少的全家福。

唉，讲到这些事时，心情总是非常低落。酒精是唯一能让我忘记我的伤感的办法。